Does He Love Me?

Love Cringes
By Auntie Cru

I met this guy in Fahrenheit (sex club along E. Rodriguez Ave. In Quezon City), and we’ve dated once or twice post-coital.  The thing, though, is, while he was somewhat sweet in the beginning, always wanting to catch up with me, that sweetness seemed to have disappeared.  He already cancelled on planned dates (two weeks advanced planning) twice; he replies to messages two, three days late; when we talk at all, he’s always tired; et cetera.
He does send messages out of the blue, though. And when he does, he tells me: "I miss you"; "I can't wait to catch up with you"; "Don't forget your lunch"; "Dream of us tonight"; "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day - don't forget yours"; "Sleep tight, my dear."
Now I’m confused – what really is happening here?

Jean Cena
He Who Wants to Settle Things

Let me tell you this nicely: FOOLISH QUEEN, HE ISN’T THAT INTO YOU.

Now let me tell you why I say so.Firstly, yes you can form a healthy relationship even if you met your guy while getting gang banged hanged on a swing in a dingy sex club, but the fact that you met him in a sex club should make you wary (and him, too).  You went there for a fuck, dear; so did he.  Anything to come after that should be approached with much caution – i.e. don’t just fall THAT easily, which I daresay is your first error here.

Secondly, and still related to the first point, this is why you go out on dates – to get to know the other person more.  To answer such questions as: “Now we’ve fucked, but can you do my laundry?”  “Yeah, your dick’s big, but what’s that pus doing there?”  “You swallow, but you don’t eat meat?”  You get the point.  That he is full of shitty excuses to skip on the getting to know stage is an obvious statement of your second foolishness – e.g. so what if he’s busy – doesn’t he realize you work, too?  Unless you don’t work, of course, and do nothing but ask him for dates...

Thirdly, on the late messages.  Mobile communication is called mobile because it’s mobile – you do it anywhere, anytime.  So either he’s dumb enough to not know that, or he just doesn’t think you are worth responding to immediately.  You aren’t THAT important to warrant his attention.  Even sending him a message is your third foolishness.

Fourthly, whenever he send you a message telling you all those BS, we beautiful people have a term for that: EGO TRIP.  We want people to chase us.  And when they stop, we make sure they do.  The easiest way to do this is not to search for more admirers, but to give hope to those who already admire us – e.g. text messages telling them we miss them, scheduling dates that will never, ever happen, et cetera.  You can call us insecure, yes; but we call you fools for believing our BS.  There, your fourth foolishness.

You ask what’s really happening?  NOTHING.

So move on, dear.

You got yourself a jerk, jerking you.

And that should settle things for you.

I’m seeing someone I really, really like.  What’s there not to like?  He’s big (I’m a size queen, so sue me!); he’s financially independent (he heads a PR agency based in Makati City); he’s intelligent in a worldly kind of way (he can discuss Voltaire while sipping French wine on lazy Sunday afternoons); he’s a good fuck (for someone in his 40s, he can still go on and on and on...); he’s humane (he paid for my hospitalized friend’s bill); he’s... everything.
Fortunately, he seems to like me in return, too.  He loves spending time with me (so he says); he likes my touch (so he says, too, especially when I give him massages after work); he loves spending for me (he buys me Swarovski crystals, when all I can afford are borloloy from People Are People); 
Risking sounding insecure because he’s got more to offer than I do, thereby making me unworthy of him, I want to ask for help on how to make him want me more – or at least realize he shouldn’t let me go out of his life.
Any help will be greatly appreciated – I promise a Swarovski necklace (not chandelier) if things work out between us.

Dennis Santos
Love Searcher

Darling, in this case, I don’t just like Swarovski crystals, even if you give me a whole chandelier.  I want your man.  Come on – who wouldn’t!?  I, too, am a size queen, you know.  And in need of a good fuck.  While drinking French wine, though not just on Sunday afternoons.

But let’s talk about you.

Yes, you’re insecure – but I guess it’s understandable, how you described how godly you man is, and how, well, very human you are.  But that should actually be beside the point.  That he chose to be with you should be proof enough for you he found something in you to merit his being with you, no matter how godly he may be.  After all, if he’s such a catch, he can have anyone he wants – but you have him, don’t you?

It’s this insecurity that will lose you this guy.  Oh, there’s the difference in financial status, too, among others.  But mainly, it’s that you feel inadequate for him that will, in the end, make you inadequate for him.  Ask your boyfriend what I mean – if he reads Voltaire, he can explain it to you.

No, I can’t give you lessons on how not to be insecure.  I’m a bitch giving out opinions, not a bitchy shrink you’re paying to resolve issues you can resolve for yourself.  But needless to say, this is what you have to resolve.

A bright spot:  Your man may actually want someone lesser than him to boost his being godly – I know of a lot who are like this.  Then you’re in luck, with his love multiplying as you wallow in your insecurity.

But even if he isn’t like this, it will still be okay.  Your man will move on and meet someone like me, and a god will meet a goddess.  Then I’ll send you a wedding invite carved in Swarovski crystals.

My friend admitted to me he doesn’t really love his boyfriend of two years now – “I just need him for his contacts,” was what he told me verbatim.  It’s because my friend, from Southern Philippines, is new not just in Metro Manila, but the industry (entertainment) he wants to break into; while his boyfriend is already a relative local figure (if he isn’t, well at least he’s got the right contacts).  Now I feel bad for the boyfriend, even if, as hard I try to be a good friend, I told my friend I understand him.  The question is: Am I in any position to tell his boyfriend this hurtful truth?

Dave Espinoza
Fucked-Up Friend

Unfortunately, you are not me.  So, no, you can’t just tell your friend’s boyfriend about how horrible your friend is.  Aside from him possibly not believing you, asking why you want to break their relationship; it doesn’t show a good side of you, too, hanging out with such horrible friends, so you may be just as horrible, too.  I should know – I lost a friend, and the friendship of his boyfriend over something like this (he’s a gay filmmaker, his boyfriend a gay literary figure).

Here are what you can do:

1. Dump your so-called bitch of a friend.
2. If you can’t dump him, or even if you did, be sure to tell him what you think.  No, dearie, no threats are needed here; just the statement of the fact that you don’t agree with what he’s doing (unless you do, of course), and it lessens your respect of him.
3. Be there but be not there.  Distance yourself from them, even if you also make yourself available should something come up (that’s what friends are for, dearie) – e.g. don’t hang out with them every Sunday afternoon to watch reruns of Sex and the City, but try to attend important events like funerals and birthdays.  This way, when the boyfriend finds out (as he soon will, for sure), he won’t hold it against you for not telling him, considering you’re a close friend of his conniving bitch of a boyfriend.

One of the saddest facts in gay living is our inability to see many things for what they really are – your friend’s boyfriend, for example, has mainly himself to blame for the shit he is in now since he’s the one in the relationship for two years now, so he should already know if the guys he creams has feelings for him.  We need to learn to distinguish the truth from those covered with gay glitter.  Otherwise, we’ll always have people asking if this or that guy is into this or that guy.  And then we can’t move on.  And where’s the fun in that?

Auntie Cru is a 40ish self-described “opinionated bitch” out to give her opinions on everything to those brave enough to ask for them. “At least I give them the summarized, no-frills, un-beautified truth,” she said, “and that's more than anybody can ask for in this PR-filled sucker of a world!”