Bakla 101
By Kiki Tan

ONGOING CONFUSION
Perhaps because they don't want to learn, but just perpetuate outdated beliefs, many non-homosexuals continue to generalize when dealing with members of the LGBT community - showing their ignorance, if anything else, and the need for them to get themselves educated ASAP.

The jeepney was almost full – too full, in fact that although the barker continued calling for more passengers to board, there was hardly any space left to move inside, much more to sit on.  The only spaces left were the tight (though still distinguishable) space beside a malodorous sweaty man seated beside me, and the vacant space across us beside a fully made-up transgender who kept flicking his make-up kit open to check if his make-up was on place, and his friends who, although not cross-dressing, kept on throwing sideway glances to the guys stuffed in the rusty vehicle.

Just as the waiting was getting intolerable, boisterous voices were heard from the street, immediately followed by three guys boarding the jeepney, swearing their way inside as they located places to sit on.  Their loud voices ceased when they saw the cross-dresser they may have to sit beside of, though this was immediately followed by snickers as they started to gamely push each other to avail of the empty space at my side of the vehicle.  In the end, one of them ended up sitting beside the tranny, while the other two forcefully made themselves comfy beside the malodorous man, who, to my horror, got pushed against me.

“Putang bading!” one of them drunkenly slurred under his breath, first to his friend beside him who nodded his agreement with a smirk, and then to me as he acknowledged me with a nod and drawled “Pare.”  Then both of them laughed and started teasing their friend who was seated across them, warning him of the slight the “faggot” beside him may do him.  I was forced to join the laughter, not so much because I found the joke they shared funny, but because the overall situation was – considering their bloated tummies, flaring nostrils reddened by their alcoholic intake, and muddied appearances, I couldn’t imagine anyone who would want to put sexual advances to any of the three of them, and that’s irrespective of gender.

“Alam mo naman ang bakla, walang pinapatawad!” the other guy added, this time loud enough for everyone to hear, before they again broke to another drunken laugh.

“Bakla po ako,” I said, not able to hold my tongue, immediately meeting stares of incredulity and sudden silence.

But I am.  Bayot, bakla, bading, agi, faggot, queer, fairy – the names may change, but the thought remains the same: we’re talking about a guy who prefers another guy.  And I am one.

There was a time when I used to try educating people about the various issues around homosexuality, trying to do my part in shedding some light about the community that remains unaccepted even without first comprehending it.  And yet, even with the passing of time, things are not getting any easier.  Liberation movements may claim to have succeeded in their struggles to equalize the treatment of everyone despite whatever differences, but truth be told, civilization hasn’t gone very far towards enlightenment.  After all the talks about sexual revolution, as a queer in the Philippines, I continue getting exasperated with the more than a bagful of stereotypes attached to being “not like everyone else” that are still in full force.    

CONTEXTUALIZING SAYANG

Probably one of the most common expressions I hear especially when people know of my sexuality for the first time is “Sayang.”  It is such a waste that someone like you is gay, is how this is best expressed, usually followed by the enumeration of my “manly” qualities that are “wasted” because I am gay: good looks, intelligence, big basket – the list goes on and on, as if heterosexuals have the exclusive right to these qualities.  I was told not to be offended when told this because, more than anything, the statement is reflexive: a reflection of the speaker than the one being ridiculed.  After all, you are “sayang” because you will never be hers (in the case of girls saying it), or he (for the straight male) will never be like you with all your “blessings.”

Greg, a friend, the only gay guy of seven brothers, was once considered the source of shame of his family.  “Sayang ka, kalalaki mong tao babakla-bakla ka!” was what he was told when he was kicked out of their home.  When his father had an accident that forced him to retire, his mother was forced to accept labada just to make ends meet.  It was also at this time that three of the brothers married their pregnant girlfriends, though continued living off their mother’s measly income, and the others chose not to continue schooling.  This was when they approached Greg, now running a beauty parlor, to help them out – something he willingly did.  Interestingly, and annoyingly, though he is now the family’s breadwinner (even of the married brothers and their kids), for his family he is still “sayang”, though this time they often add that with “May silbi naman siya kahit bakla lang siya.”  Such irony.

A MAN IS A MAN IS A MAN

Once my sexuality is disclosed, many also always associate me with girls – that gusto niyang maging babae or that may pusong babae.  Admittedly, this may be true to some, though not to all.  When actor Jeffrey Quizon was queried about his portrayal of gay characters, he mentioned that he studies women instead of homosexuals because, quoting him, “Lahat naman ng mga bakla ang gusto nila maging babae, ‘di ba?  Kaya hindi sila ang pinag-aaralan ko.  ‘Yung mga nuances ng mga babae ang pinag-aaralan ko talaga.”  But I, for one, do not see myself as more of a woman or less of a man because of my sexual and gender identification.  And there are others with the same perspective.  Thus, that gays aim to be like girls is a misconception that has to end.

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