Bakla 101
By Kiki Tan

In the same way, addressing gays ate, sister, manash or mama is never appropriate.  A modern saying states that only a nigger may call a nigger a nigger without creating trouble.  This is basically the same with the addressing of gays – while it may be okay for gays to call each other sisters, it would be presumptuous for straights to call them as such.  When girls talk, they don’t call each other sister.  Even guys don’t address all guys pare.  Closely related to this is the conversion of the male name to a female’s.  When people get to know that my name is Michael and that I am gay, some immediately call me Michelle or Michaela, feminine variations of my name.  There is no shame in being (associated) with womanhood, but the segregation of gender, even if it’s just in the names, must be recognized and respected.  When I say my name is Michael, it remains as such until I say otherwise.

A funny part of being gay is when men hoot, whistle and give loud catcalls to gays with the expectation that they will be catered to simply because they’re men – good taste be damned.  I’ve met basureros, janitors, kargadors and construction workers (no offense intended to these professions) who, upon knowing of my sexuality, wink and whistle at me, expecting me to fall for them despite of everything, and putting all their weight on their supposed masculinity.  “Masuwerte ka papatulan kita,” a guy once told me.  “Ulol,” I snapped at him, losing my patience, “masuwerte ka kung papatulan kita!”  In a way, this is related to role-playing.  I have often been asked who is the man or the woman in a gay relationship.  Both, I said – though this is a concept that many can’t comprehend.  The point, in the end, is that whatever tickles the fancy of those in the relationship, then they do it: top, bottom, whatever.  Role playing is so, well, heterosexual, and only limits the choices, therefore limiting the possibilities of the experience as well – and that is just not gay.

A female acquaintance once told me that she wouldn’t introduce her brother to me.  “Baka ahasin mo,” she said.  As for her boyfriend, “Baka agawin mo.”  Funny, really, considering the genetic composition of her family and her bad taste in men.  Unfortunately, this perspective isn’t hers alone, but a pervasive belief that needs to be debunked simply because taste is inherent to everyone no matter the gender or sexuality.

Not far from this issue is the monetary exchange usually happening between men and gays who had a relationship (sexual or whatever).  I was dragged by a friend to watch Ginoong Filipinas 2001, a sanitized flesh market if ever there is one, where, during the Q&A portion, Boy Abunda disappointingly and carelessly asked (without thinking that he was simply promoting stereotypes) two or three of the finalists if they were willing to do everything – including sleeping with gays – just to fulfill their dreams.  All of them answered yes.  The sad part, however, is the association of gays with something to be acquired, as if being with them is so yucky and degrading that anyone can only stomach it if there’s something to be gained from it.  “Puwede na patulan kasi may kapalit naman,” is how this is best put.  For that matter, even if the meeting is only sexual, I can’t completely comprehend why any gay guy should pay a “straight” guy for sex when, in the end, it was the latter who enjoyed the experience.

While I actually still often meet gay guys who claim, “Ito and role nating mga bakla: magmahal, mamigay ng pera, tapos iiwanan.”  But this is definitely not a role suited for all of us (if there is money involved, one may just as well hire a sex worker, then at least the arrangements are clear-cut).

BEYOND LIFESTYLE

Even now, many still assert that I am only gay because I still didn’t meet the right woman who will make me realize how “wrong” my ways are.  Partnership does not always make a person realize his individuality.  I know of many married men who, after years and years of marriage, part with the family they built because they can’t continue living lies; and there are those who remain married yet visit beats to satisfy their wanting of men.

Talking aside, this is quite interestingly often considered as bisexuality in the Philippines, which isn’t always true.  While still a sore issue even in the gay community itself, bisexuality isn’t as easily definable as having a girlfriend and a boyfriend at the same time, or at some time in a one’s life.  Yet many choose to be referred to as bisexual because it lessens the shame of being identified with the “others,” the “non-straight”, the gays.  Supposedly, bisexuals, at least, have some sense of “normalcy,” whatever the word means, because they still do it with girls.  But a gay friend who almost got married once simplistically told me how to know of one’s homosexuality, and though it may not be agreed upon by everyone, is still a good one anyway.  Supposedly, if a guy goes out with a girl and still have men on the side, then he should reconsider his position, especially if he can go out with a man and not have girls on the side.

Some assert that I just need to see God, who will right my “evil” ways.  I was always taught that God, in His perfection, couldn’t make mistakes (else He won’t be God!).  Thus, I am the way I ought to be, following the logic that He made me – just one of His many expressions.  As such, I do not have to change – it is the populace that needs to do so, if only to acknowledge that there will always be differences, and these need not be attacked.

I am gay – the choice to be one going beyond the choice to live like one.  It is an integral part of my identity.  At the same time, however, it is not my entirety, just a part of me.  I am good at what I do, for example, not because I am gay, but because I am me.

And yet, as I continue to experience, the old systems continue.  In one of his interviews, the overexposed VJ Derek Ramsay said that he’d rather be rumored a playboy than gay, as if there is something so embarrassing with being gay that being chauvinistic is preferable.  Again, unfortunately, the sentiment is held by the general populace.  All in all, though, this is unfortunate not just for the gay community but for everyone because, by dwelling more on stereotypes than on the uniqueness of individuals, we are missing out on knowing individuals who, given the chance, could do so much.

As I was getting off the jeepney, I heard the drunken guy beside the fatso ask his friend, “Bakla ‘yun?”  But his friend just shrugged.

“Gusto lang niya mapalapit sa babae kaya siya naging bakla,” answered the one beside the TG.

If it were in the past, I’d end up discussing the issues surrounding gender and sexuality, or at least try explaining my position.  But, as Norma Desmond said in Sunset Boulevard, “That’s all in the past.”  Now, it is time to educate yourselves.