To Go or Not to Go

Love Cringes
By Auntie Cru

I always prefer being picked-up, instead of picking-up.  But not because I think I’m so good looking I deserve to be paid attention to, not vice versa – though I’d say I can be considered as such, too, to be completely honest. 

My reasoning is much more simpler: The next day, when we wake up after a drunken fuck,  no matter how good or even great it may have been, it’s always easy for me to just get my clothes off wherever I threw them the night before, put them on, and walk out of the door without one look back.  “Wham, bam, thank you sir!” indeed. 

When done in my place, most of my only supposedly quick fucks hang around, like they don’t want to leave, and it’s more than annoying – it’s just a fuck, no more, for goodness’ sake!

Would you be able to give these guys out there some sort of guidelines on those days after fucks?

Jay C.
Makati City

The morning after having one-night stand, I don’t know how to leave the place of my sexual partner/s.  If he’s still asleep, do I wake him up to say goodbye?  Do I even have to say goodbye at all?  If he’s awake, should I expect to be offered breakfast – or coffee, at least?  What do we talk about?  Damn, I’m lost here!  Help please...

Roel N.
Makati City

I went to this guy’s place last night because I really like him.  Not just sexually – though going with him to his place for sex proved I like doing that with him, too – but I hope to see something develop from what we had last night.  This morning, though, it was awkward.  Neither of us seemed to know what to say.  I didn’t want to leave yet, so I stayed.  Until I felt I really just had to go since the situation wasn’t getting any better.  How do I avoid this from happening again – ever?

Randy M.
Lapu-Lapu City

Dearies, remember that thought best expressed in Coyote Ugly, when the origin of the bar’s name was explained, and it was from that morning after the fuck, and you woke up and saw that THAT man beside you was as ugly as a coyote?  Well, it happens even to the best of us, dearies – we have those moments when we woke up in the bed, if not the arms, of somebody (and somebody ugly, at that), and we just want to leave the soonest we can.  But then again, there are those times when we woke up beside someone so, so yummy we’re actually the ugly one, and we want to stay there, enveloped in his still sleeping arms, forever.

Now how to handle the day after – should you go or should you not go?  Or, on the other hand, do you drive him away or ask him to stay?

FOR THE VISITING FUCK

1. Do not overstay your welcome.  Meaning, yes, you have to leave.  Soon.  And that’s even if you like him, really like him.  It’s because it was just a fuck.  That’s the proposition when you met, and that’s what you should live up to.  He’s just after a fuck; and as of the night before, you were, too.  So move your butt off the bed after the fuck.
2. Be cool.  Meaning, even if you weren’t good in bed (or he wasn’t) the night before, the act, whatever happened between you, was already done anyway, and that’s that.  So just say thank you, and then... ask for the time and say you have brunch with friends so you can leave!
3. Don’t play boyfriend.  Just because you’re naked with him in his bed doesn’t make you a boyfriend.  So control your OC urge to clean up, picking those clothes the both of you threw everywhere last night.  Don’t let him think he got a fuck cum housemaid.  For that matter, just have the self-respect to be not treated as one.
4. Don’t be rude – if he’s asleep, wake him up to say you’re leaving, else he’d wake up thinking he had a fuck with someone who left after, what, probably taking something from his place!  So just say your goodbyes properly – we gays were brought up better than barbaric hetero sapiens.  You don’t want to wake him up?  Leave a note – even if the only paper you see is the tissue!
5. Leave contacts – well, at least for those who liked what transpired.  This way, if he keeps in touch, you know you’re more than a dick scratcher for him.

FOR THE BED OWNER

1. Have an excuse the day after, just in case.  This is especially important for those whose pick-ups just wouldn’t leave.  A “My mother’s coming for lunch” or “I’m working the afternoon shift today” should suffice.  Else, just tell him to leave, he wasn’t that great a fuck anyway – oh, sorry, that’s me talking most mornings!
2. Don’t give mixed signals.  If you want him to be a boyfriend, ask him to grab coffee for you; otherwise, quit with the hugging and smooching and more hugging and more smooching even before he wakes up.
3. Cover your bases – e.g. prepare condoms BEFORE picking up, make people aware you have someone in your house with you, et cetera.  Always better safe than sorry...

So good luck, dearies, in clearing the bedroom the day after.  For as long as you’re not me, you’ll need it.

Auntie Cru is a 40ish self-described “opinionated bitch” out to give her opinions on everything to those brave enough to ask for them. “At least I give them the summarized, no-frills, un-beautified truth,” she said, “and that's more than anybody can ask for in this PR-filled sucker of a world!”