Job Applications are Like Beauty Pageants...

Insignificantly Insidious Insights
By Roy Macalma
Kiddo on a job interview two years ago. Boss: How did you come to a decision to apply for this job and leave your current one? Kiddo: In my current job, I am a big fish in a small pond. As I stayed I realized that the pond has too murky water. This is a bigger pond (looking around) and I may not be as big, but definitely it appears to have cleaner water and more space for me to grow. Boss: (smiled) Congratulations.

...Only tougher.

(Not to be mistaken for being sidetracked here 'coz I know I wherever I go and whatever I do, every move is precisely calculated to attract the attention of THE ONE, however, I am feeling a little bit like Christiane Amanpour here by giving our fabulous readers something I experienced a few weeks ago by being ambitious and going for the riskiest career move ever, applying for higher-paying and jaw-dropping job for a company synonymous with reputable news and financial reports worldwide. I thought by being corporate and all would mean that I would be steering away from the gay world just for once but I was DEAD wrong. It took me closer to it than ever...)

Every gay guy (alright, alright ALMOST every gay guy) is hooked or at least updated on the Beauty Pageant world and knows their national queen and the current Grand Slam titleholders. I’d bet my balls that you’ve watched at least one pageant and rooted for your favorites, or got sad every year that our own obsoletely-packaged queens come home empty handed, blaming Stella Araneta for being true to herself – old, nepotistic and outdated. Just recently, I realized that beauty pageant sensibilities could be used when applying for jobs.

Just like any beauty pageant delegate being prepared by their national director in their home country, I prepared myself for the job application in every way I can. I read literature about the company I was going to apply for, I groomed myself, did some practice mock interviews, even added some pageant staples like the fake laugh, the fake surprise and the all-too important always-eager-to-make the-world-a-better-place vibe in my routine. Just like the recent delegates from Japan, I took out my priciest outfits from my closet and had them pressed. I am really out to war this time.

The PRELIMINARIES in pageants could be compared to the exams (written and oral) and interview conducted by the human resources personnel of the company. You have to nail each segment every time. Every candidate is super competitive and you have to be always looking and doing your best. If you did well, then you will be called by the HR after a day for the next segment, the interview by the bosses.

The SEMIFINALS are akin to interviews by the bosses. Obviously you were selected by HR as one of the top 20 or so candidates more suitable for the job (or the crown). At this point every previous performance is zeroed out and the bosses (or the telecast judges) would judge you on their own terms. While waiting for my turn I saw some applicants leaving the interview room teary-eyed (Gee,that was tough). Banking on my experiences and my self-faith, I was feeling so confident and in tune with myself that I had fun answering the bosses questions, adding a little of my own spitfire person ality to make them see that I’m not just another prospective employee but a real live person who will be a contributor to the company’s growth if they take me in. When I shook their hand and left the office I had very little doubt about an impending job offer (THE FINALS OR TOP 5).

The FINALS OR TOP 5 is like a job offer. Obviously the crown (or the job) is already within your reach, you just have to stick to your smarts and give them one flawless final answer. In the job’s case, you just have to look at the contract offer given to you, and give them a yes or a no, OR you could haggle and explain further why the salary figures on the contract should be altered to suit your demand. You get the job (or the crown) when the bosses sign the contract and your hand is formally shook. Unfortunately, I was one of the semifinalists who waited to be called as one of the top 5, and got disappointed. In the end, I got to analyze what went wrong. My Ms. Venezuela approach (well-prepared, bubbly and confident) was not to the bosses’ liking. I applied for the legal department which looked for a more serious approach like, say, Ms. India or Trinidad and Tobago. Honestly I got so sad I ate comfort food all day; but after that, no more. No use for crying over spilled milk. I know I did my best and I know I elicited positive response from my interviewers. However, as every national director puts it: “It’s just not your year; they’re looking for a different flavor.”

Fast forward to today, I am better and armed with more experience and sensibilities, looking forward to the next job application (or pageant). Am I going to change my approach? Hell no. That’s why Venezuela produces the most beauty queens. They have a time tested template that almost always never fails. I will always be prepared, bubbly and confident of myself.

Writing as Kiddo, Roy Macalma shares his take on the incessant search for the right one. He may be reached at kiddolovesit@yahoo.com.