Keys to the Kingdom
Things to consider before foraying into a straight man's world

Insignificantly Insidious Insights
By Roy Macalma
Labels are for grocery items, not people.

As I toiled, trying to carve my own niche in the corporate world, I realized that you don’t always have to be upfront smart, to gain the respect of others. A strong work ethic, a good grasp of things, as well as a healthy relationship with your intuition, are strong suits against the brash, bold corporate style of the old.

Apart from that, I had to deal with co-workers every day. LOTS. You gotta learn to not really be close/friendly but to at least deal with them. Women are an easy fare, since they readily become fag hags, always in need of a good advice on a sexy top, makeover or advice on boy trouble. However, men are a different subject altogether. You don’t see a lot of fag stags, or one who would admit he is one. You see, this purebred relation of ours is a lot tougher nut to crack. I learned based on experience that the straight man’s world is blocked by a giant locked door. Ladies, I present to you the keys to the kingdom. They will work not only within the workplace but everywhere. You can personalize it as much as you want.

As a gay man working amongst men, I gathered that you cannot gain respect by just baffling them with your intelligence and achievements. Men (straight men) are like T-Rex. They respond only to stimulus and would leave you alone; however, I need their innate talents and brawn to accomplish some projects. Having them in my network of contacts would be a boost. I tried to net them by being in their own game, but it was a soft hit, since I don’t really enjoy going to girlie bars and making them jealous by getting the more attractive women. I saw this monumental film by the late Jayne Mansfield who busted her car and had to get help. She took off her coat and revealed her hourglass figure, minuscule dress and outstanding gams while playing helpless. Naturally, every guy stopped and tried to help her. Minutes later; she’s on the road again.

People think that the women from the OC are all stupid. Well, some of them appear to be but you would get bits and pieces of common sense from them. Humorously, this square-jawed housewife shared how she makes a man notice her – by being helpless, and in need of help or information. Looking back, she’s right, coz that’s the same way I solved my straight guy debacle. I figured that Marilyn Monroe and the blonde pack never got it easy but got things their way not just with their looks, but by playing on men’s desire to be powerful, knowledgeable and wise. To gain the acceptance of a male pack, you must gain the acceptance of their alpha male. I sauntered to him and asked “Arnel, what is a carburetor?” He looked at me quizzically, and then started to expound on the intricacies of the car part and then moved on to the other enhancements he has made on his car. Before long, we were already on first name basis, and the other started to talk to me, as well. Talk about networking huh.

Men will always be men, and no matter how successful you are, you are still gay. They feel threatened when their manhood is at stake (err the figurative manhood) and will stop at nothing to quash anyone who is a threat. No, no no, I’m not undermining you my countrymen (with Eastern European accent LOL!) but remember the mantra that is “Celebrate diversity”. Go figure. Give them what they deserve. Give them their manliness, their masculinity. Accepting who you are gives you more space to accept other people’s sensibilities. Always think of yourself as a Ferrari, while he’s a sturdy 4x4. Both are cars, like both of you are male, however, they serve different purposes. Ferraris are flashy fast cars, while 4x4s are built for tough terrain yet both are still cars which people use. No competition there.  

Alright, now you succeeded in making him talk to you and regard you as another human being. Time for a little bit of a chemistry lesson. Remember saturation point? It’s a condition wherein there’s too much solute versus a solvent, resulting in a non-mixture of the two. As kids we usually put too much sugar on a glass of glass of juice, and we see the undissolved sugar crystals at the bottom. Picture yourself as the sugar and men as juice. Always be conscious of how much gayness a straight man can’t handle coz believe me, not all of them have the same tolerance. Respect begets respect. If you want to respect from them you have to respect them to by respecting their beliefs. Don’t push yourself on their faces. Just make them see you, and recognize you. When you’re in a conservative neighborhood, act appropriately. When you’re in a Mardi Gras, be as loud as you are., since a boisterous opportunity to celebrate. This might raise eyebrows, but I guess this is what’s wrong with Ladlad and why it keeps on getting pushed out of the party list in contention. The leader is willing but the body he’s governing is weak, even brittle. This is the subliminal message I always see when this person speaks on TV:

“We are the underdogs! We deserve a piece of the pie! We are human too! We have rights too! We are GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY!”

The Comelec shutdown could be transcribed as:

“You always say the same thing every year, and you still couldn’t keep up! “

I have a separate piece on this so I won’t delve on it any longer. All I want to say is this:

“The horse antibody is not even human, nor of primate source but it works on us. Why?”

We see an object because it is large enough to be seen. If we want to be seen by straight men, we must be big, organized and united. With an framework this strong, we can put ANY leader into power to address our concerns. Always remember that we become a minority because we choose to be a minority.  

Disclaimer: This is not a political view. I just got carried away.

PEACE AND LOVE!

Writing as Kiddo, Roy Macalma shares his take on the incessant search for the right one. He may be reached at kiddolovesit@yahoo.com.