Kristoff Cardenas
Mr. Gay Philippines 2009
In Pursuit of Self-Awareness
By Mikee dela Cruz
PHOTOS COURTESY OF KRIS CARDENAS
PUBLISHED: AUGUST 2009

Not that he was, in any way, a believer – much more an advocate – of the concept of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” but Kristoff Cardenas says he never hid his gender identification (or, to others, sexual identification).  “I never hid, in the first place,” he says to Outrage Magazine.  In fact, for a while there, arguably much like everyone else in the MSM community (if not, particularly, the gay community), he lived gay with the assumption that people already knew what he was even sans his discussion of it.  “It’s just that… no one asked (me about it),” Cardenas adds.

"Since everywhere I go, I still see discrimination for (us), I want that to change. I know it’s a long shot, but I have already seen some efforts from different LGBT groups, and I can help them by serving as their ambassador and face to the public.” KRIS CARDENAS Mr. Gay Philippines 2009

The assumption can be read in many – and, generally, opposing – ways.

On the one hand, that in a postmodern world (NOT THAT THE CONCEPT ALREADY HOLDS SWAY IN THE PHILIPPINES, EVEN AS OF 2009 – Ed), gender and/or sexual positioning is a non-issue, so flaunting is unnecessary.  On this, the argument is simplistic: After all, no one need flaunt their heterosexuality – why should GLBTQIAs have to?

On the other hand, though, is the concept that since GLBTQIAs are in a minority – a disempowered minority, at that – there is a need to strengthen the community through open discussions of its issues.  Thus, openly living, not avoiding showing life as a GLBTQIA is the order of the day – something that, for a while, Cardenas was not doing.

Obviously, Cardenas is first to admit that “I believe the acceptance of the public (of GLBTQIAs is still largely incomplete, since) still more Filipinos perceive our (community) with a close mind.  Simply, people are not ready to embrace our kind,” he says.  “Yes, there are (those) who now understand us, (but largely) still, machismo exists.”

Generally, on not showing himself as an “out” gay guy, Cardenas sees things differently from those who would call for adoption of “Out and Proud” mantra.  “As an open gay person, I learned how to adopt to my environment.  There are times when I act ‘discreetly,’ depending on my crowd,” he says, adding that while “this seems that I am embarrassed to show my real self, but I am not.  It’s more (a show of) respect on their beliefs, just as they extend the same respect to me.”

And while this may be conceived as somewhat naïve – i.e. to adopt to whoever’s environment is to give in to their prejudices by giving in, not questioning, them – Cardenas admits that “it will still take time before they wholeheartedly embrace our kind,” he says.

While Cardenas’ position – held, and lived, by many MSMs – is not supposed to make an iota of an impact, after winning as the 2009 Mr. Gay Philippines to represent the country (and, yes, the gay Filipinos) in the 2009 Mr. Gay International competition, his way of seeing/expressing gay Filipino living is deserving of scrutiny.

In fact, Cardenas says, while “winning the Mr. Gay Philippines 2009 title (may be my) biggest achievements, proving to myself that I have (what it takes) to win this title, I (also) know I can use my title as a vessel in making our country understand and accept us.  I just want to prove to everyone that I have what it takes to make a difference in my country, and maybe the whole world.”

Cardenas is, by and large, actually luckier as a gay guy.

“(Coming out) was difficult before, knowing that I live in a conservative environment,” he says, though, “as the awareness grew, it became easier to express myself.”  Cardenas’ ease was, largely, brought about by the knowledge that “as long as you know that there are people who are close to your heart who are at your back, willing to stand and help you, (you’ll be alright).”  For Cardenas, he has “my loved ones, people who are close to my heart, who just told me to be true to myself, and they will always be there to love and support me.”

In recognition, nonetheless, that not everyone has the same support system, “since everywhere I go, I still see discrimination for (us), I want that to change,” Cardenas, who is a mix of Chinese, Thai, and, yes, Filipino, says.  “I know it’s a long shot, but I have already seen some efforts from different LGBT groups, and I can help them by serving as their ambassador and face to the public.”

What disappoints Cardenas as far as the local GLBTQIA community is concerned is “sometimes seeing (members of) our community fight in public,” he says.  “It’s heartbreaking knowing that while we have the same goals in life – to be accepted without biases – it seems that we have different (approaches) on how to attain this, and that's where our conflicts start.”

With the changes in Cardenas’ life since winning the title, the 5’10” tall, 149-pound self-described “simple, laid back kinda guy” is looking at “being useful” in pushing for GLBTQIA issues.  “This is an opportunity I will not pass,” he says, “since, as I say often, it will satisfy me personally when I see myself making a difference in my environment.  One day, (I hope) there would be no need for our kind to hide anymore.”