From A Distance
Closer Look at Long Distance Relationships
By Mikee dela Cruz

“Keeping each other informed of the friendships you have with other people, and the events that take place in your personal life is a great way to keep your relationship alive and healthy; and continues to make your partner a part of your life. It is essential that you receive the same information from your partner as well, so you both feel the same security and satisfaction that you both crave,” Ruigrok says.  “If you want your bond to stay strong and loving, you have to hear from one another often, leaving as little room for any of you to start getting paranoid about anything.”

PLAN TO RE-UNITE.

LDRs will only last if they don’t remain as such forever.  “(Thus) setting a limit of how long you will be apart is a wise thing to do if you do not want to end up waiting forever,” Ruigrok says.  “There will be a day when you and your partner will have to start planning a serious future, which can only happen when you are living in the same area or perhaps even living together, whichever makes you most comfortable. If none of you are willing to agree on a place to settle and start having a relationship where you see each other on a regular basis, then you can pretty much forget about accomplishing anything out of your LDR.”

Martin M. visits Tristan J. as often as he can, having more means to do so.  But looking beyond the short visits, they intend to move in together in the following years – “Or at least start planning on living together,” Tristan J. says, “to check if what we have is for real.  After all, as a friend once said, you don’t really know the person you are going out with until you’ve lived with him.  And we intend to know each other for real.”

Besides this, planning reunions plays a big part in keeping the LDR exciting, “plus serves you the satisfaction of being able to see and touch each other occasionally, gives you the opportunity to catch up on each other’s life in person, and to be able to share physical and intimate activities together, which will fulfill both of your needs and desires,” Ruigrok says.  “Not re-uniting every once in a while will only damage the relationship you have, so if one of you are not willing to visit the other occasionally, then you may need to question the interest and care your partner has for you and should probably end the relationship and move on.”

EXERT EFFORT FOR IT TO WORK.

“My ex-boyfriend used to call me almost every day after we first parted,” Tristan J. recalls, his ex-boyfriend before Martin M. in discussion.  “Understandably, the frequency lessened over time; though, sadly, it became so less that when he called I hardly knew who I was speaking to.  I tried to call him, too, though he was always busy, et cetera.  So when I found out he was actually already living with someone else in (the house we used to live in together when I lived overseas), I wasn’t surprised, just disappointed.” 

Admitting it may have been because of the lack of effort to try and make the relationship work, Tristan J. now knows that the way to keep Martin M. is to be there – “if not physically, then at least have the presence always be felt.”

“With the right amount of effort and interest on both parts, a LDR can survive the obstacles it will frequently be challenged with,” Ruigrok says.  “As long as you both refresh your memories of why you chose to do this in the first place, trust each other, inform one another of your personal lives, keep in touch, and visit, your relationship can turn out to be one of the most successful and happy relationships that ever existed.”

In truth, all relationships undergo strains, which is why there is a need to work on them.  “LDRs are nothing special, if you really think of it,” Martin M. says.  “For it to work, exert just as much effort as you would in your other relationships.  At least, as in most things, if it failed, you know that you will not be found lacking.