Penis Talks
Good Intentions. That's About It...
By M.D. dela Cruz Tan

Yes, it takes after Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues (TVM).

Yes, it, too, makes use of relatively popular actors to read out the narratives (monologues), e.g. Christian Vasquez, Luis Alandy, Paolo Paraiso, Carlo Maceda, Jeffrey Hidalgo, Douglas Robinson, Angelu de Leon, Jenine Desiderio, William Thio, Russell Simon, Jason Colis, and Ricci Chan for the local production; while the likes of Glenn Close, Thandie Newton, Alanis Morisette, and Monique Wilson, among others, for TVM.

And yes, it, too, attempts to be relevant.

		NO TVM. Despite its good intention to be like The Vagina Monologues, Eve Ensler's breakthrough play on the issues of women, Penis Talks is all talks, unfortunately.

But, alas, no – this is NOT TVM for men, emphasized by its use of relatively big names in the local showbiz industry, because it remains as just an attempt to be relevant (read: it isn’t).

It was in 2004 when producers and talent managers Manny Valera and Arnold Vegafria first staged Penis Talks, with a script by Ricky Lee, directed by Joel Lamangan – all big names locally, not just commercially but critically, too, so that expectations run high from the very beginning.  And that its makers openly admit that it takes after TVM (why not make one for men, too?), increases the expectations (if that were possible) even more.

At first glance, it looked like it could satisfy the expectations, too.  After all, the monologues were well-intentioned: A cross dresser’s rebelling penis because it hates being tucked away; insecurities of a small penis; et cetera, mainly to put the penis in the open, “for all its imperfect and flawed glory.”  And then they made Penis Talks 2 – with an all new material, take note, with the pieces including: Titing Pasaway, OFW Penis, Juan Tamod, Necrophiliac Penis, Penis na Ayaw Tumayo, Imprisoned Penis, Emmang Hermaphrodite, et cetera.  The intent – so the makers continue to claim – remains the same: awareness on the penis.

But a good intent does not a good play make.

When Ensler wrote TVM, she said she didn’t look for it (the theme) – it found her.  It was an issue that needed to be told: the vagina concerns, women’s issues revolving around the vagina (or symbolized by the vagina).  The approach is the opposite in Penis Talks – its makers sought to make it, perhaps to shed light on the largely misunderstood representation of patriarchy, though what it ended up is another story altogether.

Take the topics – and the easy way they are changed – for one, showing that, really, if penises can talk, what else would they be talking about but holes to go into, and/or if they are big enough to fill that hole?  A delimitation created by the very patriarchy it supposedly represents, this one.  This, thereby, makes comparisons with TVM, well, sadly lame – try topping the story of a woman whose vagina was inserted with a gun, and when that gun was removed, she felt part of her vulva ripped by the nozzle of the gun, and you’re certain to fail, arguably because of social power plays in place.

And then there are the presentations.  Yes, New Voice Company (NVC) is itself faced by TVM sponsorship concerns (not just low turnout of people watching the show) – but this didn’t, never did, make NVC attempt to present TVM in sexually sensational ways, i.e. it stuck to what it is, an advocacy or women’s rights, and that sex is mentioned not to titillate, but to stress women’s issues further.  With Penis Talks, an envy of promotion, if I may say so, the appeal is in seeing Polo Ravales in his sexiest of briefs, the promise of nudity (chance to see actors naked – for just P1,000 give or take), et cetera.  If this isn’t titillation, I don’t know what is...

Perhaps I’m looking at this the wrong way.

Perhaps, even if it claims to be a descendant of TVM, it should not be taken as seriously as TVM is.

Perhaps I should look at it as just another gay play, complete with the needed comedic and dramatic lines, songs, and dances.

And that, I suggest, is how Penis Talks should be approached.

Else, you’d wait and wait and wait for that reasoning why it’s even worth dealing with a titing pasaway, when it would be better discussing HIV and/or AIDS because of the penis’ straying, and how women are unknowingly infected by HIV and/or AIDS, as in the cases of OFW penises, because of the penis.

You’d wait and wait and wait to hear a discourse on the commodification of the male body (including the penis), a complete opposite to how women were once extensively used for the same purpose, and what this means to definitions of societal and cultural power plays.

And you’d wait and wait and wait to hear how, unless the penis itself looks for the writers (as the vagina did with Ensler in TVM), all you’ll end up having are re-enforcements of the power of the penis.

There, certainly, is no comfort in that – and this coming from a man happy with his penis, at that.

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