Top or Bottom?
Whatever!

Love Cringes
By Auntie Cru

My boyfriend wants me to fuck him.  At least the next time we fuck.  “It’s your turn to top me,” were his exact words.  I’m now worriedly looking to our next fucking – see, I don’t think I will be able to.  I certainly haven’t tried fucking anyone before, and I may not be able to top him, or anyone, at all.  What does that make me?

UN-TOP BOYFRIEND
San Antonio Village, Makati City

I met a guy who wants to fuck me.  I told him I’m a top.  And for a while there, that didn’t seem to be an issue.  He even became my boyfriend.  But now, he wants to fuck me.  He said I will reciprocate (fuck that word) what he lets me do to him if I really love him.  I’m not sure I can let him, or anyone for that matter, fuck me – I’d feel less of a man, I think, if I let that happen.  Am I right, or am I just confused?

CONFUSED GUY
Ecoland Phase III, Davao City

I enjoy fucking as much as I enjoy getting fucked.  But I was told I couldn’t be both – I should be more of a top or a bottom.  Is this true?

FLEXI-GAY
Notre Dame Village, Cotabato City

For a community that hates being labelled, we sure do like labels.

That’s the truth.

As anybody who has chatted knows.

You know what I’m talking about.

Yes, yes, we’re talking about the top, the bottom, and the versatile (and their various combinations).

Simplistically, let’s define the terms.

Tops are guys who derive (by providing) sexual satisfaction from penetrating – they are the fuckers, in not so many words (and in the most basic of descriptions).  Bottoms would be the opposite of tops – they get fucked, deriving (and providing) satisfaction from being penetrated.  It goes without saying, therefore, that versatiles go both ways, depending on their partners – a note on versatiles, though: there are those who prefer to be more top than bottom, and vice versa (versa-top or flexi-top, and versa-bottom or flexi-bottom).
These are nothing but preferences in sexual roles, so, take note of this one, they do not serve as identifiers of OTHER roles in a relationship (sexual or whatever).  Meaning, the bottom isn’t necessarily the submissive one (if ever there is any) in the relationship, or the top the assertive.

Here’s another thing to note: The preferences may change at any time.

Why do we have to label ourselves?

Well, it makes picking up easier, isn’t it?  If I want to get screwed tonight, I would, of course, look for a top to screw me senseless.  No use beating around the bush (not that kind of bush, dearies) looking for a flexi-top/versa-top who, when the fucking comes, would decide he wants to get screwed, too.  What are we going to do – play Pick Up ticks?  The same is true when I feel like doing the screwing.  Why pick up another top, when want a hole?  I am not into fencing, you know.  Otherwise, I’ll just find a way to get connected with Richard Gomez – and he isn’t even my type!

The secret is in communications.

Yeah, yeah, this is easier said than done.  A lot tend to be defensive, after all, claiming to be versatile, when, really, they’re not (as if saying that will boost their marketability – only to come crashing down when the time to penetrate or be penetrated comes).

Now, how do you know what you really are?

Practice, dearies, is the answer.

Meaning, get fucked as much as you can (SAFELY, don’t forget!) to know if you are really a bottom; and fuck as much as you can (SAFELY, hey!) to know if you’re really a top.  More often, you’d tend to be top or bottom plus something more – and, dearies, there’s nothing wrong with any of that.

And, yet again, what you are now MAY NOT be what you will be in the future.  So do keep an open mind (if not an open ass!).

So you just want to enjoy sex and forget about the labels?

That’s easy.  Just keep an open mind.  Then you’ll be right.

Auntie Cru is a 40ish self-described “opinionated bitch” out to give her opinions on everything to those brave enough to ask for them. “At least I give them the summarized, no-frills, un-beautified truth,” she said, “and that's more than anybody can ask for in this PR-filled sucker of a world!”