He Wants Space, Is He Running Away From Me?

Love Cringes
By Auntie Cru

My boyfriend says he wants some space.  Does this mean he’s breaking up with me?

RUPERT J.L.
Makati City

I have been lovers with this girl for eight years now.  For all intents and purposes, we’re a “married” couple – we live together, we share all expenses, we do things together, et cetera.  (Sans the) actual wedding ceremony, we live as wife and wife.  One thing that keeps on getting me is her insistence on me NOT to touch her mobile phone.  She says it’s her space, and she doesn’t want it invaded.  Now, the more I want to check her mobile phone.  But I’m worried of what this may do to our relationship.  Am I over-reacting, though, when she mentions this space?

LUCY G.
Cubao, Quezon City

There are times when I feel like being by myself.  Not many understand this – even my boyfriend, who says I don’t want him to be part of my life.  In live, he tells me, I should be able to share everything.  While I agree, I believe I have to have my own space – any space at all – to be with... just me.  Is he right, that I’m selfish; or am I right, and, yes, we can both do well with some space between us?

MIKE D.C.
Kidapawan City

My, my – that thing they call space.

I’ll try to be nice here – NOT!

On the one hand, relationships are built on trust.  Meaning, if you keep things from each other, you might as well not be together. You share body fluids, for goodness’ sake; what’s the big deal with sharing phones?!

On the other hand, however, THERE IS SUCH A THING AS SPACE – you don’t brush your teeth in the toilet while he’s shitting, do you?  This space is necessary in two ways – to help keep the individuals in relationships individuals, and, because of that, help keep the relationships the individuals are in alive.

For the individual, the space provides what’s needed for the discovery of the self – as Anne Morrow Lindbergh once said: “If one is estranged from oneself, then one is estranged from others, too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others.”  Personally, I have issues I wouldn’t tell anyone – not even my partner.  Why? Maybe because I don’t want him seeing me in a different light than they way he is seeing me.  Or maybe because there are things I don’t tell anyone – ever.  Or maybe because I’d like to leave some semblance of an air of mystery for him to keep on wanting to know me, even after all these years.  Or maybe because... just because.  The point is, I need my space to be able to practice keeping what I have to keep to myself. I believe, though, that this makes me a better partner.  He liked me because “you are a strong person,” was his description of me – something, I believe, I could end up NOT one if I cease to exist as ME.  I know I appreciate him because he doesn’t cling to me; if that’s what I wanted, I would have just bought that P13,000.00 HUGE mirror I saw, and bring that with me wherever I go – that way, I have someone perfect, as perfect as me, looking back at me, not saying anything back, just looking at me as lovingly as he looks back at me.

What am I saying?

You know the relationship you have, dearies.  If trust was established as a foundation when you started, then quit wanting to open his bag while he’s wanking or shitting or whatever in the toilet; or check his phone at 3.00 AM, after you waited the whole night for him to go to sleep; or interview her friends to know if they really have an overtime or an outing or whatever to see if she’s lying to you; et cetera.

And what if there’s no trust?

Dearies, I suggest not just going through his/her stuffs.  I highly recommend you leave him/her.

Auntie Cru is a 40ish self-described “opinionated bitch” out to give her opinions on everything to those brave enough to ask for them. “At least I give them the summarized, no-frills, un-beautified truth,” she said, “and that's more than anybody can ask for in this PR-filled sucker of a world!”