Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah Ze Musikal
Lipad, Girl, Fly!
By Kiki Tan
PUBLISHED: FEBRUARY 2009

Growing up gay, I was fascinated with Darna (the one with Vilma Santos), an old, old film shown in the afternoon, after noon-time shows, which I secretly watched when yaya thought I was in my room, grabbing siesta.  More than the fantastical narrative of the genre (Darna’s a heroine, for goodness’ sake), the making of the film, in itself, was a curiosity for me – after all, story has it that Vilma Santos, playing Mars Ravelo’s Darna, had to be (then) taped while lying on her stomach on the floor, arms stretched ahead of her, as she pretended to fly- with that then clipped and then added on the film, so that, yes, Darna appeared like she’s flying.  We were (knowingly) fooled then – those grains (from the pasting) surrounding the flying Darna may not have looked pretty, but, hey, onscreen, she looked like she was flying, so that’s that.

Alas, those days are gone – overseas, thanks to the likes of The Lord of the Rings, of The Chronicles of Narnia, of Babe, of SpiderMan, of Matrix, of… a lot more; and locally, albeit in lame mimicry, MMFF flicks starring Vic Sotto, Ramon Revilla Jr., et cetera.

The way films are done – sci-fi/superhero/fantasy genres, or combinations of the same – is supposed to have been changed.

Enter Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah Ze Movie, and you how some films, even with the everything modern available to their makers, are still made as bad as they were pre-technological advancements (sorry, Ate Vi, I didn’t mean to attack your classic Darna flicks, as this one’s worse than yours) – e.g. in Ze Movie, see those ropes that the editor did not even remove in that fight scene between Zsa Zsa and Queen Fermina, and those oh-so-obvious styro supposed to be logs to hit the heroine, and… a lot more?

The seeming rush (actually, not just seeming) to have the film finished (for the MMFF) spelled its letdown (err, failure?).

This is why it is good to know that Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah has Ze Musikal, a musical version, as staged by the Tanghalang Pilipino.

As it is, the story by Carlo Vergara is a take on Mars Ravelo’s Darna, a take, herself (albeit feminized), from Superman.  It follows the story of an effeminate gay guy Ada, who finds a rock (Narda had a pebble) that he is to swallow to become a heroine (he turns into an Amazonian superheroine, a la Darna), Zsa Zsa.  He/She then fights evils, e.g. Queen Femina and her sidekicks, the Amazonistas, while playing pa-cute with his/her Dodong, who’s in love with her (not him).

Now why watch the show?

Adapted by Chris Martinez, the play directed by Chris Millado is, in one word, funny.  Spoofing a superhero/heroine narrative can be done over the top – think of Joey de Leon’s She-Man, which only works by “disrespecting,” for lack of a better word, its source (i.e. making the super-butch He-Man super-effeminate); or it can be done, err, ineffectually/weakly/lamely – think Sharon Cuneta as stocking-ed Darna or Regine Velasquez as Darna with second skin suit.  But with this one, with a somewhat gay icon (Eula Valdes) playing a parlorista (people, it can be surmised, she’s very, very familiar with), things just clicked – lines delivered when they should be (a kontrabida in TV with a comic timing onstage), no-nonsense lines (e.g. they talk about orange pubes like it’s the most normal thing in the world – funny, I say), sidekicks (Joey Paras and Nar Cabico alternate as Didi) often overshadowing the leads, catchy songs (with music and lyrics by Vince de Jesus), innovations uncommon in the Philippines (think puppetry, among others), et cetera.

There are the leads, of course – all returning from past (successful) productions, to include, aside from Valdes, Paras and Cabico, Tuxqs Rutaquio and Vince de Jesus as Ada; Arnold Reyes, Lauren Novero and newcomer Red Anderson as Dodong; Kalila Aguilos alternates with newcomer Meliza Reyes-Uy as Queen Femina, Zsa Zsa's nemesis; and Mayen Estañero, Wilma Doesn't, Skyzx Labastilla, Via Antonio, Ring Antonio and Irene Delarmente as the man-hating Amazonistas.  If the film version didn’t pretend to be serious, and played with the characters as they should have been played – then casting those in the play, or even the earlier name pitched (Ruffa Mae Quinto), would have worked best for the story; not the “big” names who did more disservice than anything else to Zsa Zsa.

And then there are the people watching – there are actually couples who first met during stage performances, and Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah Ze Musikal may just be one of those to provide similar meeting (err, mating?) opportunity.  This is not to say that all plays with nice people watching will turn out nice – Flaunt Production’s Pa-Mhinta proves that even with great-looking guys watching in an extremely well-promoted show, it can still be the worst play ever to grace the stages of the Cultural Center of the Philippines – but, in this particular case, it should serve as a sign that something good’s happening here.

We’ve read the komiks (if you didn’t, well, you’ve read Darna – change Narda with a gay character, and Ding with an even gayer character, and then valentine with a ball-busting woman who might as well be some bitchy drag queen born in a woman’s body, and you might as well have read it), and appreciated the attempt to come up with a gay character (albeit still stereotypical).  We’ve seen the movie (unfortunately) and saw how films almost always fail to capture literary (include komiks) pieces. Now it’s time to watch Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah Ze Musikal – the one that really, really works for the telling of this story.

Oh, what am I saying?  Go see for yourself!

From February 6 to 15 at the CCP Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (Little Theater), Cultural Center of the Philippines, CCP Complex, Pasay City.  For more information, call (+632) 8321125.